As I prepare for my second year as School Social Worker for Grades 5 – 8 at the Viewmount Branch, I find myself feeling a myriad of emotions. I am so excited to meet and (re)connect with students, parents and colleagues and I am optimistic about the opportunities that this new school year will bring. At the same time, after a long and lovely summer, I am navigating what seems to be a month-long case of the “Sunday blues” — the feelings of sadness and worry that can emerge when the weekend inevitably comes to an end.
As we are a few days away from the start of a new school year, I imagine that I am not the only person who is experiencing this combination of emotions! While there is no right or wrong way to feel about returning to school, there are some predictable patterns and sequences that accompany a new school year:
A new school year = new classmates + new teachers
New classmates + new teachers = change
Change = uncertainty
Uncertainty —> worry
Worry = a feeling that can be managed
I am confident that using the following strategies with your child/ren can help your family navigate this sequence of events and emotions, laying the groundwork for a smooth transition back to school.
1. Meet your child where they are at. First and foremost, we should not assume that all children are feeling worried or anxious about returning to school. The arrow ( —>) above is intended to signify that uncertainty can lead to feelings of worry; uncertainty does not necessarily mean or guarantee that one will feel worried.
That being said, it is very important to provide your child/ren with the time and space to openly share how they are feeling, without projecting your own worries. To initiate the discussion, parents can say, “You are heading back to school next week. I am excited for you! I also know that it’s an adjustment to go back after the summer. How are you feeling about it? What questions do you have?”
2. Empower, rather than overpower. We can expect that there may be some bumps in the road as children adjust to being placed in a new class, with new classmates, new teachers, and new routines. As caring adults, it can be tempting to want to step in and do whatever we can to ensure that the road ahead is entirely smooth. While bumps may be uncomfortable for children, they are fundamental for building age-appropriate independence and resilience.
Taking this into account, I encourage you to embrace these bumps as opportunities to problem-solve with your child. For example, instead of giving your child the answer about what they should do if they don’t know who to connect with at recess, it is helpful to respond by normalizing their feelings. This can sound like: “Of course you would feel nervous about that! It’s hard to deal with things when we don’t know how they will go. How do you think you could handle that?” For children in upper-Elementary and Senior Division, consider asking them what advice they would give to a friend or sibling dealing with a similar situation.
3. Create a “What I Know/Don’t Know” chart. A new school year is filled with familiarities and uncertainties. If your child expresses that they are feeling worried about the return to school, it can be helpful to create what Lynn Lyons — a highly regarded psychotherapist that specializes in anxiety — refers to as a “What I Know/Don’t Know” chart. This tool can help children recognize the positive aspects of uncertainty — uncertainty leads to knowledge and knowledge stems from immersing ourselves in new experiences. The following steps can help you use this tool with your child/ren:
- Create a chart with two columns: “What I Know” and “What I Don’t Know.
- In the “What I Know” column, children can write down things they are certain of, such as what time the school day will start and end, that a teacher will greet them on the first day of school etc.
- In the “What I Don’t Know” column, children can write down any questions for which they don’t know the answers. These could include what table they will sit at, what colour shoes their teacher will be wearing and other uncertainties.
- You can then provide your child with the choice of bringing the chart to school or keeping it at home as a tool to reflect on, together, at the end of the school day. You can encourage your child to move each “Unknown” into the “What I Know” column, as they discover the answers to their questions.
4. Remind your child that they are capable of handling change. As your child adjusts to being in a new grade/class over the first few days or weeks of school, they may express concerns about being placed with new classmates and teachers. These feelings are normal and, to an extent, they are expected when encountering change and transitions.
Responding to these comments involves validating your child’s feelings, and reminding them about specific times where they successfully coped with change. In fact, having your child write down these examples before the school year begins – and having the list on-hand for future reference – can serve as a concrete reminder about their flexibility and perseverance.
As we head into the last weekend before school starts, I want to provide you with one addition to the sequence I started this blog with:
A new school year = new classmates + new teachers
New classmates + new teachers = change
Change = uncertainty
Uncertainty —> worry
Worry = a feeling that can be managed
Worry = a feeling that can be managed with your partnership + the support of your child’s, teachers, administrators and School Social Workers.
Should you have any questions or concerns about your child’s mental health and well-being, please do not hesitate to reach out to our School Social Work team:
Rachel Srebrolow, MSW, RSW, Viewmount Branch, Grades 5 – 8
Jordyn Berman, MSW, RSW, Viewmount Branch, JK – Grade 4
Suzy Brotman, MSW, RSW, Himel Branch